i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
