yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
