hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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