no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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