Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
