am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
