Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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