I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
