So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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