well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
