I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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