she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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