Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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