we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
