The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
