im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
