I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
