she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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