he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
