PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
