Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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