What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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