Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
