btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize