I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
