Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
