I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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