Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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