Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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