as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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