Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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