I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
