Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
