fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
