I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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