I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
