My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize