Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
