I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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