I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
