I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
