return my video game
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize