you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
