she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
