I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
