Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
