I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize