i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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