While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
