Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
