I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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