your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
