thus making me awesome and them whores
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
