does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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