Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Actions speak louder than pants.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
