but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
