you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
