i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
