Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
