i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize