my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
