quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
