I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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