ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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