I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
