Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
