i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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