508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize