Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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