insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
