you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
