while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
