so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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