Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
