After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
