I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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