Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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