how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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