Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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