Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
