Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
